Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
