Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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