hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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