I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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