Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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