u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
