By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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