if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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