am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
