she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize