My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize