Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
