Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
