True but thats because hes a fetus.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
