my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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