So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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