just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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