Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
