3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
