I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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