Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
