The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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