a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
