we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize