If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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