So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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