Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
