never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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