does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
