Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
