So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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