Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
