She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
