Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
