he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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