Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Terrible idea I love it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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