I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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