so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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