I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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