I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
