I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
