just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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