It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.