After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt