Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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