the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
