I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
