i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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