i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
