so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
