i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize