Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
