I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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