i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize