my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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