There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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