eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
